The title of my blog is "Going for Greatness."
But I haven't been doing that.
I have been wallowing in a sense of low self esteem and feeling of no accomplishment. I dislike my job, am not making enough money to afford loan payments and I just don't feel like I'm doing anything useful with my life right now. My ministry outreach is minuscule, as I really just don't interact with enough people to share the gospel or my testimony. I don't feel like I've done anything worthwhile in months. I've graduated college to find the world just doesn't care about my dreams and I have been at a loss for what to do about it.
So I've wallowed. Honestly that is the best word I can think of to describe my current situation. I'm wallowing. I had committed to trying to find a good job in my field, but that hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to and so I've started bemoaning my poor circumstance and lack of excitement in my life. At this juncture I don't even care so much about excitement, I'd just settle for some consistency and a semblance of a decent paycheck.
But that's not going for greatness. That's being a loser. I've let myself become a loser.
Me. Nicole Thomas. An intelligent, well spoken, witty, vivacious, talented, red headed loser.
Wait. Those adjectives shouldn't precede the word loser.
Which is why I've come to this point. I can't control everything. God has me in this station in life for a reason and just because I don't know why I'm here or what I'm supposed to be doing doesn't mean that I have no purpose. It's not like God lost track of me and that's why my life is currently so miserable. I bought into a lie. My enemy has convinced me that I'm not worth better things.
But not anymore. Today I may not earn a cent, but I have a changed heart and mind, and an understanding of my life that is worth more than money could offer. I have purpose. I may not know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow, or the next day, or how much money I'll earn, but I know that I am where God wants me to be. And by trusting God, I am getting that much closer to greatness.
I have given you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33
Nicole, I know exactly what this feels like. Exactly. And I hate how there's not much we 20-somethings can say to encourage each other because, as we know, we DON'T always get the job that we want. But, I do believe that you have found the key to this situation. I agree that it's vital to hold to that one thing that IS consistent and sure. And I am so happy for how reclaiming God's purpose has lifted your face.
ReplyDeleteAmerica, while not the Land of Success, is the Land of Opportunity. May you not give up on opportunity, and may you not give up on your future. Above all, may you seek His face more than all of these. I cannot wait to see just what He does with you.
I know how you feel!
ReplyDeleteBut we ARE vivacious redheads.
If you have a minute, you should read my post about contentment over at Scouts blog: http://cardigansandoldwatches.blogspot.com/2012/10/guest-post-kelly-on-contentment.html
Don't give up! Feeling that you aren't doing anything worthwhile happens to everyone, but it isn't true of anyone!