The title of my blog is "Going for Greatness."
But I haven't been doing that.
I have been wallowing in a sense of low self esteem and feeling of no accomplishment. I dislike my job, am not making enough money to afford loan payments and I just don't feel like I'm doing anything useful with my life right now. My ministry outreach is minuscule, as I really just don't interact with enough people to share the gospel or my testimony. I don't feel like I've done anything worthwhile in months. I've graduated college to find the world just doesn't care about my dreams and I have been at a loss for what to do about it.
So I've wallowed. Honestly that is the best word I can think of to describe my current situation. I'm wallowing. I had committed to trying to find a good job in my field, but that hasn't worked out the way I wanted it to and so I've started bemoaning my poor circumstance and lack of excitement in my life. At this juncture I don't even care so much about excitement, I'd just settle for some consistency and a semblance of a decent paycheck.
But that's not going for greatness. That's being a loser. I've let myself become a loser.
Me. Nicole Thomas. An intelligent, well spoken, witty, vivacious, talented, red headed loser.
Wait. Those adjectives shouldn't precede the word loser.
Which is why I've come to this point. I can't control everything. God has me in this station in life for a reason and just because I don't know why I'm here or what I'm supposed to be doing doesn't mean that I have no purpose. It's not like God lost track of me and that's why my life is currently so miserable. I bought into a lie. My enemy has convinced me that I'm not worth better things.
But not anymore. Today I may not earn a cent, but I have a changed heart and mind, and an understanding of my life that is worth more than money could offer. I have purpose. I may not know what I'm going to be doing tomorrow, or the next day, or how much money I'll earn, but I know that I am where God wants me to be. And by trusting God, I am getting that much closer to greatness.
I have given you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world. John 16:33