Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Discouraged - Disheartened - Dissatisfied RED HEADED REALISM

I think I do my best writing when I'm unhappy. Is that normal?

I have been applying to jobs today. And the day before. And the day before that. And it goes on and on and on and on. Strangers! Waiting! Up and down the boule... wait, that's Journey.

But seriously, I am so unhappy. I put on a good face every Sunday when my church family asks me how I am, but I am not good. I am bad. Which is the opposite of good. I should be doing something productive with my life. But I don't know how to move forward. I feel like I'm perpetually stuck on an everlasting treadmill. Today I made a profile on to be a babysitter/nanny. But I really don't want that. I've been watching other people's children since childhood. I've been doing it so long that if it were the military I would be a sergeant by now.

The trouble is, even if I knew what would make me happiest and/or God happiest I don't know that I have the ability to attain it! I mean, what does a girl have to do to get ahead in the world?

That's not a rhetorical question, I'd love an answer.

In 5 days it will be exactly a year since I graduated college. And what do I have to show for it? NOTHING. Not one thing. Oh wait! I have a car that needs a massive brake overhaul, so there's that. I still work at the YMCA. I still live with my parents. I am still stuck in childhood and I don't know what to do.

I remember being so frustrated in my last year at Bryan that no professor or mentor could quell my fears about life beyond school. They had no magic formula for how to make it in life. How to be successful and attractive and make people just hand you things. And as far as work hard and things will happen for you, well that is crap because I am a really hard worker. But that is completely irrelevant when no one will give you work! What my frustration boils down to is that it doesn't matter how skilled, talented, adaptable, intelligent or even experienced I am. None of that seems to matter at all.

I am the definition of stuck in a rut. I'm pretty sure that if you type that into google a picture of me pops up.

...actually this comes up:

But that is still super depressing! Oy. Let go and let God is so easy to say. But in practice...

Lord help me.

-Red Headed Realism


  1. Praying for you, friend!!! Let's Skype soon, ok?

  2. I'll buy lunch, or breakfast if you'd like an early rise, anytime! No answer vending, but just a friend who walks with you!

  3. Hey, I've been applying too today! Keep your head up, there's work out there to be found.

  4. Thanks for your honesty. I feel like I'm in exactly the same place. Not that that helps... but I am.

  5. Girl, if I could hire you I would do so in a heartbeat! You are an excellent worker. So, first I will say that if you need a reference for those job applications, look no further. Second, if you need to talk, look no further. We had such a great conversation a couple weeks ago. Even though we're decades apart in age, we go through some of the same struggles. I don't have a lot of answers either, but I'm a good listener. Love ya, kiddo.

  6. Coffee. You and me. Soon. (Actually, I don't drink coffee, I drink tea. So, tea. Or something like tea.) But, I appreciate honesty. Actually, I don't even know what to do with fake I'm so not good at it. But honest questions and doubts and pressures? Those I'm cool with.

  7. Ouch. A season is one thing, but a year seems so imposing and daunting. We're praying for you here in VA.

  8. Have you considered any career counseling or career services? I've been going to a Job Seekers meeting each week led by a volunteer from a great career service in Atlanta, and I've learned a lot through the sessions about presenting myself, what networking really means, and how to use LinkedIn. (I offer my house as a place to stay if you ever want to try Atlanta. Did you know PineWood Studios is coming here?) Is there anything like this in your city? Any help groups or church groups?

    I've been there. Heck, I Am there. Jobless and living with my parents (again), 3 years out of college. And with an impending marriage that needs finances. I get anxious sometimes, but I'm not afraid right now (don't know how). But I know what this is like, and I know that this isn't where you're staying.

    I love you. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. But this is not the end. Don't give up yet.
    And feel free to call, Skype, or text me when you can.